Tuesday, April 03, 2007

It's Time to Drop Your Financial Advisor When...

I am starting a new series of posts titled "Funny Money". The goal is to have a little fun with the often too serious topic of personal finance.

Here is the first post in the series.

It's Time to Dump Your Financial Advisor When...

  1. You swear you can hear an evil theme song and the roll of thunder every time he speaks.
  2. He bursts into hysterical laughter whenever the topic of expense ratios comes up in a conversation.
  3. He recommends investing in past commodities, since the futures commodities market hasn't happened yet and no-one is quite sure when it is expected to occur.
  4. He is not quite certain but he thinks that sub-prime loans have something to do with borrowing a rib sandwich offered by a national sandwich chain. He also suggests the same company should introduce a sub-wings sandwich with chips and a soda.
  5. When you ask him whether to sell a losing stock, he excuses himself and briefly turns away to consult his magic eight-ball.
  6. When you visit his office he excitedly tells you that his new computer now allows him check stock quotes almost in real time. He also swears that he will soon have enough saved to afford that new fax machine thingy.
  7. You find out the name stated on his birth certificate was Alfred E. Newman.
  8. When you ask him about hedging he explains that since he hired his new gardener, he no longer has to do any of that sort of stuff himself.
  9. When you inquire about the best way to fund your account, he suggests small, unmarked, non-sequential bills, preferably delivered in a brown briefcase.
  10. He suggests with a straight face that you should invest in actively managed stock funds. No, really.

If you can think of any other excellent reasons to drop your financial advisor like a hot potato, be sure to leave a comment with your suggestion.

Also be sure to check back here next week for the next installment in the Funny Money series, I think this will be fun.


ben said...

i am very perturbed by my financial advisor.Hope to help myself by your advices.

Shadox said...

The fact that he turns into a gremlin if you feed him after midnight should have been a dead giveaway...

Joel said...

Cool blog. I should pay more attention to my personal finances.

Here is a request: Can you add a piece on buying vs. leasing a car for 3 years. I have been playing with the math and would like a second opinion.

PF101 said...

Heh! That's great. I just posted it on a message board I frequent.

Shadox said...

A link to this post was shared on Craigs List. One of the people who responded added this excellent reason to drop your financial advisor (the title of the comment was "True Story"):

"He drunk dials you and demands you take him to the local casino."

That one has drop like a hot potato written all over it.

Anonymous said...

"Taxes, what are those? Oh yea it's one of the 62 states isn't it? Well you don't live in Taxes so don't you worry about them, I don't know why you think you might own them ... " (translation: doesn't consider the tax implications of investments)